Here’s my latest post from The Huffington Post … dated March 28, 2012 … No Sex? Try Stamp Collecting! Perhaps Sky Diving?
WOW! Thanks for your input, your comments, your solutions, your rants and your raves! I’m amazed that my last post generated over 3500 comments. Where to begin?
For those of you who didn’t read the prior post, it was essentially a commentary on a trend I have heard lately where women have told me, “My husband is so nice. He’s a good guy. I just wish he would have an affair!” Essentially, these women are unhappy in their marriages, but don’t have a valid “reason” for leaving. Their thought process is that if their husbands would cheat on them, it would essentially provide the “permission” they are seeking to leave.
Your comments were great and, as you can imagine, ran the spectrum from “ladies, suck it up — you took a vow — find a hobby to keep occupied” to “ladies, if you aren’t happy, then move on and save everyone from being miserable.” There were plenty of great comments about the need for these women to look within themselves and find out what is missing in their own lives (as opposed to assuming it has to do with their husband) and tons of great comments around the idea that women get “bored” and want more excitement.
So, is this what this is all about? Women are getting bored and looking for some excitement in their lives? Is this high school or college all over again where the nice guys are left dateless (or in this case, spouse-less), while the bad boys attract all the attention? What is with this idea that women need more excitement?
Here is what you had to say: “This isn’t difficult. The women in question are not attracted to their easy-going, safe, family husbands, so they don’t want to be with them.” … “When we think that we need someone else to validate our happiness we fail every single time.” … “She is looking for excitement and she wants that excitement to come from someone else.” … “Any person who feels some one else should provide the fulfillment in her life needs to examine herself and grow up a bit.” … “The truth is there are ways to re-create some pleasure and excitement in your marriage and life, driving a spouse away because you are ‘unfulfilled’ is a lame excuse.” … “She needs a hobby.”
Do you think it’s as easy as taking up a hobby? Will stamp collecting provide all the excitement and fulfillment these women are seeking? I would be shocked if the answer was yes. What about sky diving? Does that provide more endorphins so that the physical rush is as gratifying as good sex? Will taking up a good hobby really do the trick and make these women feel more fulfilled, and stop them from wishing their nice husbands would cheat on them? I’m thinking it goes beyond just finding a hobby, and perhaps transcends towards finding a purpose in life, finding an intrinsic reason for personal fulfillment (instead of relying on others for it), accepting that the current state is pretty satisfying (instead of thinking the grass is always greener on the other side)…
I’m not so sure! What do you think?