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Here are some excerpts and perspectives from various chapters in “The High Road Has Less Traffic … and a better view.” Just a teaser … enjoy!

Chapter 1: What is Taking the High Road?

“The reality is no one is perfect. We all make mistakes. We all make decisions we wish we could change. We all say things we wish we could take back. Striving for the high road is not an impossible feat. It’s not a “holier than thou” attitude or approach to life. Taking the high road simply means that you try, with all good intentions, to make the right decisions, and when you, or others, fail to do that, you sincerely apologize, forgive, and try harder next time.”

Chapter 8: If Not Shown Appreciation It Gets to You.

“They say, ‘I’m tired of not feeling appreciated, not feeling like I am part of a partnership. I feel like I am the roommate, the bill payers, the cook, the cleaner, the chauffeur … but not someone who is valued and appreciated. I’m tired of asking to be appreciated – begging to be valued – pleading to feel as if I am important and not constantly playing second fiddle to everything else going on his life. I’m done.'”

Chapter 10: Bravery: A Willingness to Show Emotional Need.

“I have often said that if  feelings are ‘brushed under the rug’ and not dealt with head -on that they will resurface as unfinished business in the future. Who wants to deal with unfinished emotions related to a divorce years or decades after the divorce is over? Not me!”

Chapter 15: I Just Wish He Would Have An Affair. 

“Really? You wish your husband would go out and have sex with another woman because they you would be justified in wanting to leave him? if you think about it, there are so many things wrong with that whole series of events. Would you ever imagine when you took your wedding vows that you would one day find yourself hoping your husband would cheat on you? Seriously”

Chapter 20: Good Touch/Bad Touch. No Touch?

“So many of the people with whom I speak also talk about having no ‘touch’ in their marriage. In fact, I frequently hear, ‘I feel as if I am married to my best friend,’ but I disagree. I know many ‘best friends’ who still hug and kiss whenever they see each other. The people I talk to are saying that absolutely no touch is occurring within their marriage.”

Chapter 21: Speaking of Touch … 

“I talk with too many couples who have drifted so far apart they they now feel it would be ‘awkward’ to re-introduce physical touch into their existing relationships (Sad, but true! They would rather live as roommates than experience that ‘awkward’ first kiss again).

Chapter 22: Great Sex = Great Marriage.

“Both physical and verbal intimacy require a dedicated focus. They require time. They require intention. We lead busy lives. As a nation, we are chronically tired. We have competing demands of work, children, extended family, and volunteer work. We have competing interests, often very different interests, and the things which should bring us back together as a couple – the physical and  verbal intimacy – often fall by the wayside. No one wants to wake up one day and wonder, ‘I’m not sure when it all stopped.'”

 Chapter 24: Being the What We Want Our Children to Be.

“I have stopped worrying about the ‘harm’ that may come their way because their mom and dad got divorced, and started focusing on the ‘benefit’ they are receiving from being able to observe real marriages based on love, respect, laughter and partnership.”

Chapter 27: Kids Need Dads.

“But when you are simply angry with your ex-husband, and decide that your life would be easier without him in it, and without him in the lives of your children, then creating lies to stop him from seeing his kids becomes unacceptable.”

Chapter 29: What Exactly Does ‘Too Nice’ Mean?

“Acting the opposite of ‘nice’ means acting ‘mean.’ Why in the world would I want my young kids to see me acting mean to their dad? Kids can be so black and white in their thinking. They quickly categorize things – good/bad, fun/boring, nice/mean. They don’t have the maturity to understand that some people feel ‘mean’ is merited. They simply see one parent being mean to the other, and that does nothing but create guilt and confusion.”

Chapter 33: When the Other Woman Doesn’t Realize She is the Other Woman.

“I’m not making excuses for the other woman. But, I’m telling you, I have heard from enough women recently who believed the words coming out of the mouths of their new boyfriends, who later realized that things weren’t as they were told. The ‘timing’ was a little ‘off,’ when in actuality this timing was pretty critical.”

Chapter 35: Why is “I’m Sorry” so Hard to Say?

“The point is this: address it, don’t ignore it. As human beings, we want to feel connected to others. We want to feel recognized and understood. For our friends or colleagues to suddenly ignore us because of what we are going through becomes the tremendous ‘elephant in the room.'”

Chapter 38: Dating to Fall in Mutual Weirdness.

“Some couples find these differences cute and appealing when they first meet. They are willing to overlook these as potential ‘irritating’ behaviors, and instead find them ‘cute! Perhaps they foolishly believe, ‘I can change this person!’ and then they get frustrated when they can’t! Suddenly the ‘cute’ trait becomes a monster issue within their marriage.”

Chapter 40: Same Pond = Same Fish.

“Great dates aren’t just going to show up on your front porch. You have to be visible to let people know you are available. You have to be out there meeting people – and meeting new people – to stand a chance of catching new fish.”

Chapter 41: Finding Yourself in the Friend Zone.

“My friend made a really good point that I think all of us should pay more attention to. She said, ‘I started thinking about how he might be able to change (the thing that bothered me), and I realized how wrong that is.’ Absolutely! It’s not about changing who someone is; it’s about embracing every piece of them.”

Chapter 43: What About Option 3: Widowed?

“We all carry ‘baggage’ based on our life experiences, regardless of our former marital status or lack thereof. I think it’s fair to say that each of us would like to be judged or evaluated on our own merit, our own personalities, and our own quirks, as opposed to being dismissed solely because of some preconceived notion about what it means to be a widow, or a divorcee, or a life-long bachelor or bachelorette.”

Chapter 45: Moving Forward, Finding Forgiveness, and Focusing on the Future.

“Finding forgiveness was absolutely necessary to moving forward and focusing on the future. Finding forgiveness was the key to getting rid of the anger and the resentment that kept me treading in one place, and allowed me to look forward and move forward with positive momentum. Forgiveness is an amazing thing.”

Chapter 47: Accountability: Turning the Mirror Around and Looking at Yourself.

“If you go through a divorce, even if you didn’t ‘do anything wrong’ (that’s loosely defined), you still owe it to yourself to become introspective and ask what you might have done differently. If we don’t ask this question of ourselves, how are we going to become better as individuals, even better in other personal relationships, and even better in other romantic relationships, marriages or partnerships? What can we learn about what we went through that will make us a better person as we move on in life?”

Chapter 50: Cultivating the Art of Gratitude.

“Too many people focus on the negative things going on in their lives, to the detriment of recognizing all the positive things for which they should be grateful. It’s the proverbial glass-half-full vs. glass-half-empty perspective. Why focus on the negative side of something when you can focus on the positive side simply by shifting your perspective slightly?

Chapter 51: Stepping Outside of Your Comfort Zone.

“There is something about challenging yourself, and doing something a bit different that gives you a confidence, an edge, and a sense of accomplishment that does wonders for your personal growth. There is something about overcoming some nerves that builds confidence. Something about trying something new and being really clumsy in the beginning, but soon figuring it out, that makes you proud of yourself. Challenge yourself! Life is an adventure.”